Gimped |Site Info

The Spider boss was, to put it bluntly, not our finest showing as a guild.  While we normally play like Method suck unabashedly, we managed to take our play to new, previously impossible to reach, levels of sucking.  This put us significantly behind the 8 ball and when the dust settled, we ended up with a kill that was somewhere in the neighborhood of the world 1,000,000th kill.  Not exactly how we drew it up when we started the instance, eh?  Oh well, onward and upward, I suppose.  We have the unique advantage of actually enjoying playing with each other so small details such as us playing like the worst guild in the history of the planet on one of the easiest bosses ever seen is of no consequence to us, right?  Right?!

Anyway, embarrassing performance on Elerethe aside, we fared quite a bit better on Ursoc.  At first it seemed as though we couldn't manage to avoid having a random person in our raid play their character like I imagine Helen Keller would play on any given pull.  Ursoc, at it's heart, is a 5 minute stress test to see if you have the intelligence to communicate with your fingers to efficiently execute simple tasks repeatedly over a 5 minute period.  In our guild, however, I imagine us possessing the intelligence to have 20 people smashing their fists on their keyboard from the moment the boss is pulled, praying that the impact of their fist on the keys causes them to shoot things at the boss and move out of purple shit on the ground in timely fashion.  A few hours later and our group of idiots pounded their fists on their keyboard and yelled unintelligible things at each other enough to somehow manage to produce the body of a dead bear in what can only be described as the cleanest boss kill in the history of gaming a typical kill for our guild.

Now that we are passed the *ahem* speed bump that was Elerethe Renferal, also know as our own personal hell, and have rediscovered our groove with a swift dispatch of Ursoc, here's to quicker updates and a swift finish to the instance.  We are actively looking for skilled, enjoyable people to help us claw out of the gutter with our rankings and position us for a better and more efficient performance in future raid tiers, as we are generally accustomed to.  If you feel you can smash your keys in a moderately coordinated fashion and are an enjoyable person to spend time with, head over to the apply section (or click here)  and drop an application.  An officer will be in touch shortly to treat you like a Middle Easterner going through the TSA line at the airport ask a few polite questions.

It seems like it has been an eternity since we updated this boring incredibly creative and stylistic website. However, in our defense, a new expansion launched and between having to level up a character, grind dungeons, grind quests, and grind for artifact power until our fingers felt like an 80 year old with crippling arthritis, only to repeat the same god forsaken process on another character, who the fuck has time to update a damn website?  While we are here, can we talk about this whole "raid split" thing?  When the hell did all you nerds lose your damn minds and make it almost mandatory to level 4,612 characters and run heroic raids 9,320 times the first week it opens to be able to compete at a higher level?  Can't we all agree we are the coolest people on the planet giant dorks already by raiding as much as we do on a single character?  Do we really need to seal the deal by adding 2, 3, 4, 5 or more characters to that?  If anyone at Blizzard is reading this (and let's be honest, we suck so there is a 0% chance anyone important is reading this), can you please, for the love of god, insert an account wide raid lockout after 20 hours in a raid instance?  That would instantly fix all this insanity and level the playing field.  What's wrong with forcing people to play at a higher level and find ways to kill things in 20 hours or wait until the following week if you suck too much to accomplish that?  Isn't 20 hours a week more than enough time for all the super nerds to get their fix?  We realize we are old geezers at this point when it comes to this game and we have been gone from WoW for quite some time, but we remember the days when 20 hours a week was extreme.  It seems nowadays 20 hours a week makes you a casual.  Where did it all go wrong?  And yes, we realize we aren't forced to level more than 1 character or do splits and are being hypocrites, but we wouldn't be higher end raiders if we weren't complaining about something, now would we?

Anyway, enough of that, we aren't known to be whining, complaining bitches so onward and upward!  After grinding through our incredibly fun horribly dull heroic resets, we went into mythic content not at all sure what to expect because we actually decided to go to our jobs, spend time with our families, watch some football, and do whatever else normal people do after the leveling grind.  This meant we only did 1 split, didn't grind mythic + dungeons until our eyes bled, and were roughly 10 ilevels behind the "real" guilds.  However, since when have we needed incredible gear to kill a damn thing in this game?  Despite opting to watch some football over grinding hundreds of dungeons, we managed to bag a kill on our first night, downing Nythendra after a few pulls.  While the kill could have come quicker if some of can I put this nicely...less intelligently blessed members had learned to move quicker, we showed consistent progress through each pull and we are overall quite satisfied.  We have put enough attempts into Elerethe Renferal that we are confident a kill should be close, so hopefully we won't go as long between website updates this time.  As an aside, Elerethe Renferal is easily the worst name ever introduced to a raid encounter and the person on the raid design team that decided on using it should be reassigned.

We are strictly recruiting exceptional players at this point and are looking to bolster our roster.  We have no specific immediate needs, but have a policy of keeping raid spots competitive, so anyone that is able to push our current members would be a welcome addition to our team.  Specifically, we have room for the following if the players were exceptional enough to warrant consideration:

1 Healer (Monk or Shaman)

1 Melee DPS (Rogue or Warrior or Monk)

1 Ranged DPS (Druid or Shadow Priest or Warlock)

If you are not one of the listed classes but know that you are god's gift to the game and actually have a personality to back it up, don't hesitate to apply.  In general, great players and enjoyable people always have a place with us and we are always able to find a way to make it work.  If interested, please read here to ensure you are what we are looking for and then head here to sign your soul away and apply to our cult of nerds.

Since I'm out of things to bitch about (and in general, there is very little to bitch.  The expansion has been fantastic and the only thing "ruining" it are the people playing the game 24 hours a day), here's some stuff to fill the rest of this post...

This is what happens when you force us to level more than 1 character to try and kill internet dragons faster than the other nerds, causing us to need to blow off some steam:

Ever wonder what running multiple heroic splits feels like when you really just want to be done with it and start mythic content?  Here's a general idea of the feeling:

And lastly, all the leveling, grinding ap, cussing every time a legendary doesn't drop, and generally putting too much time into this stupid game have caused us to ponder the great unanswered questions of our time:

We're Off And Running

Herm a posted Aug 3, 16

As the immortal Kirk Lazarus taught us in the movie 'Tropic Thunder', you NEVER want to go full retard.  Unfortunately, it appears an awful lot of applicants have failed to receive this memo because idiots are popping up left and right.  To be fair, a decent portion of these idiots happen to be members of our own guild, but hey, they have earned the right to act dumb, not move for barrage, and come to raids less prepared than Le'Veon Bell comes to a drug test.  Our members have proven over time that they are the best players in the world the only sick mother f'ers willing to put up with our shit for prolonged periods.  A new applicant has proven nothing, so the expectation is that you come with full consumables, a 6 pack of Red Bull, cocaine, or whatever you need to play at your best, and a notepad full of jokes to keep us laughing. 

Despite a few bad apples we have experienced with our recruiting efforts, we have fared very well overall and have managed to pick up several excellent  players and, more importantly, excellent people.  Our Legion roster is beginning to take shape and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel coming faster than the outbreak of deadly viruses at the Rio Olympics.  We originally stated that we would become much more selective with our specific class needs as Legion neared and, well, that day has arrived much sooner than anticipated.  Like a horny 14 year old staring at pictures of  Kate Upton, we have prematurely climaxed and are now restricting our needs to the following:

- 1 Melee DPS (Rogue, Death Knight, Enhancement Shaman, Demon Hunter)

- 1 Warlock

- 1 Hunter

- 1 Balanced Druid

- 1 Healer (Druid, Paladin, Monk, Shaman)

While we are here, let's talk about what we are looking for in an applicant.  First and foremost, we do NOT care if you raided in super guild XZY that cleared content faster than Bernie Sanders alienates his entire support base .  All this feat proves is that you had less of a life than the majority of the human population.  Congratulations?  There's nothing inherently wrong with having been a part of these guilds, but using it as the basis for your recruitment pitch to us is not going to help you.  The amount of times we have heard "I raided with _____ guild 3 years ago and killed things faster than everyone while never leaving my computer and pooping in a sock.  Invite me now for because I can play 50 hours a week and bring the big Deeps" is higher than it ever should be and makes us question the human race as a whole.  Also, if we hear one more person use the words "leet" or "deeps", we are going to join Broxy and make it a mass suicide:

For those wondering, A-side may or may not be a reference to an alternative means of sex popular in some all parts of the world where red blooded males exist.

If you need to review the specifics of what we do and do not want in an applicant, please visit here and read carefully.  Pay special attention to our focus on personality as opposed to just skill.  We are playing a game with a very real skill cap.  No matter how hard you press your keys or how fast you mash your mouse, you can't make your character move faster or hit harder than the game allows.  We certainly expect players to be able to play at the skill cap, but the trick is to be able to do it while simultaneously being enjoyable to hang out with.  The only thing worse than wiping needlessly is genital warts wiping in silence  Whether you support Donald Trump lying more than a New England Patriot's injury report or Hillary Clinton breaking the law more often than Draymond Green punches someone in the dick during a playoff game, the trick is to be able to join in on our spirited debates while still playing your character to perfection.  Our topics are typically wide ranging and touch on everything but Warcraft and we want people to add to that conversation, not drag it down.

If you sound like the type of person who can maintain an extremely high level of play while also maintaining an extremely high level of personality and conversation, please apply here and our merry band of loot whores will be in touch.

Gimped Returns For Legion

Herm a posted Jul 20, 16

In the words of the coolest man alive and all around bad ass The Rock, "Finally...Gimped has COME BACK TO WORLD OF WARCRAFT."  Seven years- that's how long it took us to once again get the itch to kick ass and take names as a group.  An awful lot has changed since we were pimple faced degenerates slaying internet dragons in our parents basements/dorm rooms/whore houses/wherever all those many years ago.  During our layoff, a shitty movie has been made about the game, we have had an African American president, Bruce Jenner has become Caitlyn Jenner, a fucking airplane somehow disappeared while flying and still hasn't been found, Bill Cosby has turned out to be a disgusting, perverted old man, the Cubs finally won the World Series, Jon Snow has both died AND been revived, and classes have been pruned down to approximately 2 buttons each, meaning even our rusty asses can pick things up quickly.

Things are different since we were screaming in Ventrilo as we downed bosses several expansions ago, but one thing that has not changed is our competitive drive and nature.  While we have no interest in devoting 30+ hours a week to the game  to chase mythical trophies for achieving world firsts anymore, we do still have a desire to remain at the cutting edge and want to tackle content when it is fresh, new, and unknown.  In order to continue challenging ourselves on the most difficult encounters, we will be exclusively focusing on mythic raiding and everything that goes with it.  To that end, we are looking for a handful of outstanding people to join our ranks for the start of Legion.  What does it take to become part of the few, the proud, the Gimped?  While it may seem like we throw darts at a dartboard to determine who we accept and who we deny, we promise you there is a method to our madness.  We have learned over the years that good players come and go, but good players who are actually enjoyable to play with are few and far between.  We have always been notoriously picky with our recruiting, expecting players to be both talented and enjoyable, which can be a novel concept in an online video game.

Contrary  to seemingly every other high end guild, being available to raid ungodly amounts of time will not give you a leg up on any other applicant.  While we will congratulate you if you desire to play this game 24/7, we have no use for such extreme playtime.  Our focus is on keeping our time spent playing to a reasonable enough level that we are actually able to experience life outside of the basement (oh god, the sun, it burns!).  Additionally, being the bast damn player on the planet will do you no good unless you have a personality to back it up.  Killing bosses is fun and can be an enjoyable experience, but killing bosses with 19 people who you secretly want to stab in the throat is like getting a blowjob while undergoing a root canal.

With that being said, the ability to play your class at a very high level is a must and a requirement for joining the guild.  With a more limited schedule than many other guilds, we can't afford to spend time waiting around while people learn to move out of fire, dodge ghosts, or interrupt adds.  Being the most personable human being in the world is an asset, but unfortunately you also need to be able to press your keys and click your mouse in a way that will be a benefit to our raid.

Additionally, while we are not interested in those who have made it a priority to become a professional World of Warcraft player, we do require that applicants be available for just about 100% of our raids.  With only 16 hours of raiding a week (at the absolute maximum), we can't afford to have people consistently gone, showing up late, or leaving early.  Our raid days and times are as follows:

  • Tuesday- 6:30 PM to 10:30 PM
  • Wednesday- 6:30 PM to 10:30 PM
  • Thursday- 6:30 PM to 10:30 PM
  • Sunday- 6:30 PM to 10:30 PM

***Please note that these times are PST, meaning our raids begin at 8:30 PM Central/9:30 PM Eastern and end at 12:30 AM Central/1:30 AM Eastern***

It is important that you are available for nearly 100% of our raid schedule.  We understand life happens and would never want someone to miss out on a test at school, their children's birthday, a booty call with a drunken slut hottie, an important deadline at work, etc...  However, barring the unexpected/unavoidable, you should believe you have no problem maintaining this raid schedule on a regular basis before applying.

Are you confused yet?  Does it sound like we are talking out of both sides of our mouth?  Are you still reading this for some reason?  Here's an easy to follow list of the "do's" and "dont's" for applicant's interested in joining:


  • Play the game at a high level
  • Have a life outside of the game (sports, sex, religion, who cares- just do something)
  • Enjoy taking on difficult content like Hodor enjoys holding the door
  • Be available for near 100% of our raids
  • Have a personality
  • Enjoy progress raids like Kim Kardashian enjoys sex tapes
  • Be outgoing and join in our banter (no matter how juvenile it may become)
  • Be competitive and have a desire to push yourself at all times
  • Like hookers and blow
  • Have the ability to play more than 1 class/specc


  • Suck at the game
  • Talk only about WoW (we are as excited about patch XYZ as anyone, but let's talk football )
  • Consistently miss raids, show up late to raids, or leave early for raids
  • Treat females in the guild like they are leper pariahs
  • Hit on every female in the game like they are the last woman on Earth.  Have some standards
  • Cause drama like you are a 16 year old girl
  • React to difficult content or situations like a Beverly Hills Housewife
  • Care more about the items you acquire than the people you play with

If you are able to fit all the "Do" items, including except for the hookers and blow, while also avoiding all of the "Don't" items, you may just be Gimped material (may god have mercy on your soul).  You may now proceed here to submit an application to our communist regime (please do not pass go and do not collect $200).